My Lily Bug is here!!!!

Lilyana Leeann was born August 27th 2009, at 7:51 PM after 20 hours of labor. She weighed 8lbs 2.5 oz and was 20 12 inches long. She is an angel and a great baby

It all began at midnight on 8/27. i was scheduled for an induction. we made our way to hospital, and i was hooked up to the iv's and ready to go....the incerted the cervidil at around 1 am. It was a little painful because they couldnt use lube, or it would counteract with meds. after it was incerted, Kris went to bed. I was a little on the anxious side so it was had for me to relax. at about 3am i started to get cramping. it wasnt bad at first just like af cramps. at this time i felt like i was in a dream. to this day it feels like that day was all a dream and i just woke up and i had a baby. Anyway, iat around 5 am the cramping started to become horrible. i was getting all the contractions in my back. it was def. painful. i asked for something for the pain, i just couldnt do it anymore...my back was KILLING me. i can even describe the pain. that allowed me to get a little sleep, but by 8am i was right back to where i started...in pain. at this point i was stuck at 2cm. they said i couldnt get the epi til 3 or 4....depending on the dr. i tried my best to deal with the pain. i recieved another dose of the pain killer, and tried to get some more rest. at 12 the nurse tried to take the cervidil out, but come to find out the nurse who put it in, didnt leave the tail for her to pull it out! it felt like she had her whole arm up there! she called in another nurse with smaller longer fingers/hands. i begged the whole time and the nurses were great. i kept saying i couldnt do it but the reasured me that i could...the nurse that they brought in was awsome, she told me she was going to get the cervidil and break my water and then they would HAVE to give me the epi! kris litterally had to hold me down while they fished the cervidil out... she got it with no problem, and then she broke my water. thats the weirdest feeling ever! to sit and leak constantly LOL... i begged for the epi at this point...they called an the anestesiologist was there within 10 min but it felt like an eternity. the epidural wasnt nearly as painful as i thought it was going to be. it felt weird more than anything. it took a good 15 min for the epi to kick in, and after that i felt so much better! at this point i was 4 cm after the epi, and it was 2pm. within 2.5 hours i dialated from 4cm to 10cm. when they checked me at about 9 cm they found the baby to be sunny side up...they tried to move her around but she wasnt budging.... the pressure u feel with the need to push is so weird. it is like you have to poop...but different. its an emormass pressure on ur perineium, but it feels like your gonna poop the baby out. i started pushing around 5ish. at first i didnt know what the hell i was doing, but after a few min i got the hang of it. after a good hr and half they offered to use the vaccume, and i agreed,.... i pushed with all my might...but i was having this weird hard sensation, they said to push past it but it wasnt the burn...it was just HARD...like trying to push something thro a wall.. after 3 tries with the vaccume the dr said she wasnt budging. he said she was stuck and with the heart decels she was having it would be best to do a c section....after that it all went so fast.... next thing i know kris is etting scubs on....an the anesisologist was back giving me more meds ( thank god! ) next i knew they were wheeling me back. after that it all went so fast. kris and i were talking and next i know i hear this strong cry! kris got up and said she was eautiful and pissed! and that she wa s good size baby and had a cone head lol. i told kris to go with her, and he cam eback said she was gorgeous and he kissed me...they weighed her and i as amazed to find out she was 8lbs!! i couldnt see her from that fa because i didnt have my glasses... begged them to let me see her...they said they would they were cleaning her off...so finally they brought her to me...i barely got to touch her and kiss her and they took her to nursery...hubby went with her while they stiched me up. after that they wheeled me back. the dr said she would have never came out vaginally. he said i would have gotten her head out but thats it she would have gotten stuck at the sholders...back in the room, kris was allowed to bring one person at a time back to see her. i begged the nurses to let me back to see her, i had to make sure she was real, that she was ok. they said she had to spend 2 hrs in nursery just because of delivery, she would get a bath and then they would put her in warmer make sure she could hold her temp and they would bring her to me. i was so upset...everyone else got to see her before i could. they showed me pics but it wasnt the same. finally they brought her to me....and i was in owe.... so in love. it was weird to see this little being who had been in m belly for 9 months..... from there the hospital stay was ok. on our second day i noticed she was a little yellow and i mentioned it to nurse. the peditrician looked at her, and said she was perfect, but she did have jaundice, she said her levels were elevated, not to ad but they wanted to get her in the nicu with the billi lights for 24 hrs and retest. i will never forget how empty i felt at 5am on that saturday when the wheeled her little basket bed thing away and took her. i cried and cried... i did however get some sleep. we went and saw her later that morning, and i cried my eyes out when i saw her under the lights. kris thought i was silly...he said she was just jaundice and wasnt gonna die....but who wants to see there child like that? they wouldnt let me hold her, only during feedings. i was there every 3 hours to feed her. any chance to hold her. kris left hospital and went home to nap and shower...he came back around dinner and brought me something to eat. we hung out and went to feed lil at 9 and 12. after that he left and went home. i couldnt sleep tho. i went back to nicu at around 2am...and i litterally fell asleep with my hand in the incubator holding her hand lol...i left and went back to my room. i was back up at 6am and went to feed her. the dr came to see me as did the pedi and we were ok'd to go home that day!! we finally got home around 2pm on sunday the 30th.

she is my angel and i am so blessed to have her. she is beautiful and the best baby ever. she only cries when shes starving or pooping lol... anyway thats her birth story...

heres some pictures:

update!

Well i guess its been awhile since i posted any updates....

things are pretty much same ole same ole, im no longe working as of 30 weeks...but most know that and the story behind it.... so since then ive pretty much been sittin at home waiting on my little girls arrival. its been hard. im so impatient and pregnancy hasnt been a walk in the park for me. to be honest, if i knew where life would be in like 5 yrs...i might just tie my tubes...lol like i told my hubby...i wanted the baby...not to be pregnant!!! lol i guess i had a neive notion u got pregnant and the world was great and 9 months later u have a baby...YEA RIGHT!!

well latest U/S says Lily was 4 lb 9oz and 16.5 inches. this was at 31 almost 32 weeks...so according to what dr said shes over 7 lbs... heres a pic...


so shes a chunker... also...if she decides to not make her apperance before...i will be induced on 8/31... so only a few more days...i dont think its actually even hot me yet that im gonna be a momma...its like we have talked about this person...and its almost like shes my imaginary child...LOL....i cant wait... i hope everything goes great and i honestly hope she comes on her own before then..but if she doesnt then she doesnt....i feel whats ment to happen will happen!

my baby shower!

well it was last sat. but i havent had a chance to update lol...

anyway it went pretty well! i think about 17 people came all in all. i got alot of loot, but not much off of my registry :( thats ok this last week i think i got a majority of the reaming stuff, now i need to get a smaller bag, a healthy kit with the boogie sucker and what not, baby meds...little stuff like that! im having second thoughts on breastfeeding. i know its best for her, but i want kris and alexis to be able to feed her too and i am being told not to pump for first few weeks....i dont know! i will try it...worst case senerio...ill stop....i dont i guess i have to see if i get any breastmilk first!! lol anyway here are pics...







my MIL had to made me a ribbon hat...



me and Jenny with our bellies :)


the LOOT!



^^ jenny made me these! arent they so cute! i hope lilys feet can fit into the booties lol






I will post some of lilys bed and stuff when im done getting it all together :) im so excited and ready for her to be here!!! it feels like shes never going to make her debut!!

i have dr appt this thursday, and then another US for growth the thursday after (the 9th). I am tying to figure out how to get a video uploaded onto my computer, but i got a ood video of her moving the other day! anyway thats all for now!

Its baby shower day!

well u read it today is my baby shower! ive been looking forward to this day for awhile, but today comes and sadly..i woke up crying. i just cant get over that my mom isnt here. I had a feeling this would happen. I dont know if its the things around me....but i just...i always saw this day with her...and its like something is missing....i will remember this day for the rest of my life probably....i dont want to be sad. i hope everything goes well and the games go ok. i hope everyone gets along ok. im going to try not orrying about everything...but i know thats not going to happen. i will post pics later on tonight, prayin i can stop crying and be happy......give me strength...

update on things....28 weeks!

well i had a perinatologist appt this last thursday and the news was good!!!

my placenta previa has moved and is now ok for me to have a vaginal birth YAY!! everything with lily is good! she is measurign 2 1/2 weeks ahead, and is weighing 3 lbs 6oz already and is 16 inches long!! shes my chubby bubby!!!

shes deff. growing. its so weird to watch her move in my belly. it still hasnt really sunk in yet. i have all this baby stuff but....i dont know how to describe it! my baby shower is in 6 DAYS!! OMG seems like just yesterday it was forever to go...im excited, anxious, worried, and sad all the same time. excited for the obvious reasons, anxious because i just want it to be here, worried about of how things will turn out...if everyone will get along...f every one will have fun....worried how everything will go.....sad because my momma wont be here, and i know she would have loved to be. miss ya momma!

i got my dress for the shower, it is cute! im planning on letting my mother in law and cousin decorate and prep while i go get my nails and feet done, then will come and get ready!!! anyway thats the update.....i will upload belly pics soon....im getting even more whalish if thats possible LOL

3D pics and Update....

Hello! i havent posted in awhile.

things are a such a stand still life wise.....memorial day weekend we went to beach, last weekend we went to movies and i went to yoga w/ Jenny.... other than that....same shit different day!!

work is ahhh work..... its weird, do i want to go back or do i really want to stay home?? my ideal situation would be to not work til after first of year. i would like to take some classes during winter semester if Lily permits....and $$ of course. Alexis is getting excited about Lily's pending arrival.....we have discussed it after much begging by her...we have desided if i CAN deliver her vaginal, she will be in the room. she knows that babys come out of there...she just doesnt know how they get there?? lol i figure....PERFECT BIRTH CONTROL....for future anyway.

kris wont be able to make it to my U/S on the 11th so i made him take me for a private one....and man i am in LOVE!!! Lily is so beautiful. and i know i am bias...but man.... if she has kris's butt and my boobs MAN we need to start buyin guns NOW lol...(she must sense i am writting about her cuz she kickin up a storm now :) ) anyway here are some pictures....she had her thumb in her mouth for a good portion of the scan....she gets that from Alexis :)....

My little love...

I miss her.....and shes sittin with me...well...in me lol....ugh under 100 days left......i cant wait til she is almost here!!!!!! only 2 more weeks til baby shower....now im excited for that...but scARED.. what if no one has fun? what if no one shows????? oh well....

24 weeks!

Sorry for lack of update last week, with mother's day it was hard. my first year as an "offical" mother, even though i have lexi, and my first mothers day without my mom...hard day.

well here are pics for 24 weeks!!!!

i went to my friend jennys today and we painted what is going to be her lil boys nursery. it was nice because we dont have a oom to paint or do so i got my painting fix :) lol any way....my next dr appt is on thursday!!! then i took friday off andhave monday off for teh holiday, we are going to the river on saturday!! im excited :)

22 weeks.....

well im a few days late posting but....here are pics for this week.....

I can see the difference from the weeks before....

This week lily has started to move....ALOT...not just kicks..shes been doing that for a while, but i mean i will be laying in bed...and i get these cramps...like dull but painful cramps....and its because she is moving her little body all around!!! it is crazzzyy! ill have a buldge on one side then the pain and shes down low....then she will go back after 20 min....and she normally does it when im trying to sleep....little shit!!! lol oh well i love her :)

Also had an ultrasound this past thursday the 30th. ill post pictures below....but shes getting big!!! shes already 1 lb and 3 oz.... and she is 11 inches long!!!! we were only thinking she was goin gto be 19 inches at the end but now im not to sure..... also they measure ur tummy and said she is chubba bubba lol her belly circumfrance is measuring 2.5 week ahead...so they said that could be a sign of gestational diabeaties (spelling?) also my amniotic fluid is normal now so thats good...shes not like a fishie swimmin outta water! however bad news was the placenta previa ( the placenta is covering my cervix) hasnt moved....at all. So i discussed all this with my dr, he said the placenta previa we will watch til i am 35 weeks, at that time if it hasnt moved we will talk more in depth about the c-section..... he also said lily is probably just measuring ahead and will be fine in the long run. he said i will do the test fo the diabesties around 25 weeks...... soo heres the picturs of my little beauty!!

Sooo....just things on my mind...

OK so a good friend of mine told me wiritng everything down might make me feel better so here it goes....and my spelling is gonna be bad and im going to blab but o well im gettin things off my brain!

lately ive been in a funk of sorts.....i cant explain it. it starts that i cant sleep at night....i sleep maybe for an hr n half at a time.....and i wake for no reason ( not to pee).....or i am way hot and sweaty (gross!) so i wake up and toss...and when i do sleep i have bad dreams....either about lily or my mom.....my mom seems to be in ALL my dreams....but she always dies in them....and in different ways.....its like i have to live it over all over again....which is hard on a day to day basis.... and then last month ive been sick and not myself. I just always thought pregnancy would be SO different. i feel like i should be happy ALL the time because im going to have a baby...but im not and it makes me sad :( and then today was the first time i really admitted it to myself....but my body changing is really getting me. I was alot heavier at one point and i finally got rid of all the weight....and now im pregnant...i mean before i was preggers i could eat ANYTHING and not think twice....and now i am gaining weight....and its hard.... i dont want to get back to where i was....a big fat blob....i know i wasnt skinny before i got pregnant ( about 150 ish....little more because of stuff going on) but...now ive gained a little...and its hard for me to deal with. im trying to tell myself ill get it off!!! i have a goal...i wanna try and be back at 150ish if not lower by the time its my birthday...which will be 3 months after lily monster gets here.....and then i feel so frumpy....and i dont have energy to do my hair or makeup because i feel like it doesnt matter imma look like a whale ANYWAY!! so why not sleep an extra 10 min??? and then well...i dont feel like attractive to hubby anymore.....which he says i crazy....but i dunno i just dnt feel like i can be zexyyy ( haha) with this baby belly.....*insert eye roll here*........i hope this passes soon. My next dr appts is thursday.....i have an ultrasound to check on lilys fluid and my placenta previa.....and imma ttalk to my dr about some sleep aids....because the benedryal he told me to take makes me sleepy...but that isnt the problem! if i could get like one 3 hr strech...i would be so much better off!!!! anyway ok so....there it is....most of it...lol my funk wise anyway....there are so many more worries.....it feels like shes NEVER gonna be here...i actually CRIED because it feels like i will never have a baby LOL and shes in me! ugh....if i thought the wait was bad while tying to get pregnant....this is torture!!!! i keep tellin myself...half way half way.....lol Im worried about work....my IDEAL thing would be to not go back to work....but that depends on what happens with hubby....its taken so long to have my little girl...i wanna enjoy her for a bit...plus i want to breastfeed...or try to at least lol so........then im worried...can i do this??? what if i dont have the patience?? what if i go crazy???? then what if i dont have the $$ to support this kid?? i know things ur supposed to think of before having a baby...but theres never a GOOD time to have a baby and well...shes comin rather we are ready or not....im blessed to not have alot of bills...but with me not working..... and if her fluid doesnt get better...*yes these are what ifs but still valid* or if the placenta previa doesnt get better....bed rest is a good possiblity....and while when at work i am sitting mostly...i dont know if i would even be able to do that! so just everything thats going on right now......and all that and NO SLEEP.....well doesnt help things lol.....ok so thats enouh writing for now.....imma go watch a movie with my love :) thanks for readin my blabin

21 weeks!!!

well i am offically more than half way there!!!! Lily is starting to move more and more, and sometimes i havent decided if i LOVE it yet...lol it tickles....but i love her and thats what matters. nothing new really going on this week,,,,besides i woke up monday and have had heartburn since.....tums are a no no.....when i was little i thought they were candy and ate half a thing...and havent been able to take em since.....i did try thursday...and barely chewed one let alone 2.... anyway that pretty much it preggy wise...and well regular life shit is the same......besides Alexis's increase in smart ass comments...gotta love having a teenager in a 9 yr olds body :) its ok...it will pass....one way or another...... so here are the pics for this week...

My view looking down....lol

and alexis got this pic of me and kris...lol i thought it was funny...between my face and his...he looks like his normal myschevious self....but he was tickling my belly...which drives me NUTS but lily likes it lol so...i put up with it...

For mommas lily bug

sooo i took this pic while i was in hospital...just to document how much i love my little one that i didnt want to he dehydrated.....she woulda been like a fish outta water soon!!! so....here ya go....looks lovely huh? like the tubby in the background...it was sweet....when i called and told him he needed to pic me up because of the pain meds they had to give me....his face when we walked in and saw me all hooked up was so...i dunno how describe it...like he was in pain....to see me in pain...all the color drained from his face....and he held my hand and kissed my head so many times.....it was so sweet... anyway heres the picture lol

i just dont understand some people....

yeah so im going to take this moment...and write about something that really irriates the piss outta me. well..its other peoples lives but oh well..opinions are like assholes, everyone has one right??

it drives me nuts that people cant ever be happy with what they have now. what makes you so much better than everyone else that u deserve so much more? yes, some pple have gone through harder times (altho everyones deff. of this is different than the next) seriously what intitles you to think that u deserve more than the other 5 gagillion pple on this world that want there life to be better? i have meet and know so many people who all they cant talk about is well this and this and when that happens man ill be happy......what is so unhappy right now? yes, u might not be rich, u might want someone who cant be here, but what about what u do have?? you have food, a job (if this applies), you can pay your bills and still do what u want, you have a bed and a house to sleep in. seriously....the people who think this way i am certain will NEVER be happy.....EVER because there ill always be something else they want, most of it materialist, that they feel they need to be happy....even if its not material.....you dont need a man to be happy, or what else....you need urself and the ability to look around and appreciate what you have......if u dont like that...then u might as well look forward to looking for more for the REST of ur life.....like following a never ending bumpy road, or climing a mountain for 20 yrs.....

anyway just me 2 cents...... every day i am HAPPY. yes there are things that make me sad, and i hope for the best, but i dont feel i am above anyone else...and that the best thing SHOULD happen to me because of whatever reason i might have..... anyway im done blabing for now :)

20 weeks!! yay

so i am officially half way there....and while this last week surely hasnt been boring with all the medical BS i am going through.....it seems like time is going slow. anyway belly pictures....ido see a difference in the side by side from last 3 weeks....but nnot in the last week....

O and update from my dr appt last tuesday. dr isnt concerned about the placenta previa yet and said that we will watch it close for next 6 weeks and if for some for saken reason it DOESNT move...we will discuss risks of it and everything then, but right now he thinks it ill move up and be fine.....so thats good news....keepin my fingers crossed.....

A song i LOVE.....

OK so i added a new song to my profile. yes i know its miley cyrus, but man this song hits the nail on the head. gotta remember this when every mountain takes longer than u wish to climb it for!
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but
IGot to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There's always going
to be another mountain
I'm always going to want
to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breakingI may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

19 weeks!

well ALMOST officially half way there if u go by the 40 weeks. and if i have to have Lily by c section she will be here more like in 18 weeks or earlier!!!! man thats not that far away!!! * freak out incerted here* lol anyway here is my belly pics for this week....ignore my face..i am in a slum lately and feel like i look like crap.....anyway here ya go...

and uncovered....strech marks are from before the pg....i used to be 250 lbs but got down to betwee 150-165....and then i got preggooo

anyway i have a craving for some spicy mexican food so cooking is out the window..... ta ta for now!

My anatomy scan update

well lily is doing good! she is 9oz and 9 inches :) dr said i was measuring right on and all her organs looked good. she didnt get a good view of her heart but said it was just how she was laying....that it seemed normal but couldnt tell me 100% until she got all the pics and measurements...... and she is 100% a girl...lol a DUhh.... anyway now bad part....well it isnt life threating..or not right now anyway but i guess i have placenta previa??? she said placenta is over my cervix, and if it doesnt move will have to have a c section. i havent read much about it so i havent done my research on how likely it is to move....the tech said that they will scan me regularly to monitor it and make sure to see if it moves....and will even scan me right before my c section to make sure its still needed....i honeslty dont know what to think, i dont want a c setion really the onyl thing i likeabout it is knowing for ure when she will be here LOL! anyway my fluid is also low, so they need tto keep that in check....i have to drink lots of water.....more so...so i goo back in 3 weeks to see my fluid levels and see about the placenta previa....here are pics of my lily bug...

yay!

i get to see lily in 2 1/2 hours!!! YAY !!!!!!!!!! its been FOREVERRRR!! i have my 20 week anatomy scan....i would have foundout what she was today if i wasnt impatient and didnt go and pay for it...lol oh well it was worth it...

havent updated much....Alexis has bronchitis, i have laryngitis and kris is just sick....i think im at the tail end of it today but yesterday i felt like shit....

also on top of seein lily....i have a dentist appt....BLAHHH... well gonna go eat my PB & J and drink my milk :) will update w/ pics of lily when i get back!

UGHHHH monday....

well i woke up this am....and i had NO voice!!!! it finally came back around 10 bt would come n and out.....lexi has had the same cough for a few weeks so when i went into work and couldnt talk, i talked to my boss and desided to make both me and her dr appts. well....i called around thinking ahh need to talk maybe half a day off....nope! the whole day, her appt is at 10:10 and mine is at 2.......but i HAVE to get rid of this cough, i feel like i am giving lily bug a headache with all the coughing..... so we shall see tommorrow what the verdict is! Another thing....lily bug...is a night owl!!!! all night last night she kept me up, right when i would think about falling asleep she would do a summersalt....and it tickled so BAD!!! its the weirdest thing! so yeah she went from about 10 til one in the monring.....but oh well... :)

anyway onna go lay in bed and see if i can stop coughing long enough to fall asleep!!!
adios!

18 weeks down! 22 left to go :)

Okie Dokie, today i am 18 weeks....almost half way there!!!! its weird to think in 4 months she will be here in my arms. i cant wait to see her little face....and kiss her all over :)
here is belly pic!

i cant wait for tommorow, Yoga with jenny!! and im looking forward to sleepin in. My cousin and are are also goin to do the baby shower invites and i will post a pic once i am done......hopefully she will agree to do the games and the RSVPing so i dont have to look like a complete dumb ass thats throwing herself a babyshower....but i dont have anyone else so that really isnt my fault... anyway i am off to bed!

its been 2 months today...

well today is the 2 month anniversary of my moms passing, and it has gotten easier on a daily basis, til i realize that she isnt ever coming back....then breakdowns come.....I miss her so bad...i feel liek she was the one person i could tell everything to and not have to worry about being judged or yelled at, or feelign weird about what i am saying. she would love me no matter what. man i miss that. its been months since i talked to her, since i felt her hand on my face, her kiss on my cheek, rubbed her bald and beautiful head :)......i smile at least when i think about her....a tear comes down my eyes but theres a smile undernealth them. I just wish she was here to see lily and see my belly grow...she really would have got a kick outta that.....i just wish i could tell her all about her, and hug her....have her tell me everything is gonna work out fine and i will be alright, but i wont be able to. irs just hard because i know shes in a better place but i cant help but wish she were here, even when she started getting sick, when she could still talk...but then i think about what she looked like and what happened the night she passed and i wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy to see that, to feel so helpless. I just wish she was here so bad..... i feel like i cant live without her, without her love and guidence. i know she can see me and lily and lexis, but it isnt the same.

i feel selfish and bad for saying what am about to say so please....dont take offense to anything. but i feel so mad at god. yes i am blessed, i have lily and a home and people do have t worse than i, but im so mad at him for making this happen to her. why not a year from now? why take her when i need her the most?? i wish everyone would have gotten the chance to meet her and talk to her, she was a blessed soul.....anyway this song came on the radio yesterday on my lunch break....make me cry the whole time....but...its true..

Sissy Song by Alan Jackson

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe.
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me.
Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe.
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me.
It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
They'll always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause.
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me.
Don't worry 'bout me.
Don't worry 'bout me...

Welcome to my world of madness....ok maybe not....

Ok. this is my first post in the blogging world, so forgive me if i dont quiet get or know how to do it?? lol...lets see...a little bit about me if you dont already know... My name is Stephanie and i am 20 yrs old. i was born and rasied in Las Vegas Nevada, and wont be leaving anytime soon. I am married to Kris.... we will be married 5 yrs come december. yes i said 5. we married shortly after my 16th birthday...yes, i wish i would have waited, but not because i regret being married, but because i was to immature to have made that choice for myself and i realize it now. I also have a step daughter, Alexis, who is 9 yrs old. She is the bestest kid ever!! she so smart and while she might have an 13 yr old size attitude....i love her more than air itsself! I have been her pretty much sole care giver for the ast 5 1/2 yrs....and regardless if she isnt mine by blood, she is in my heart and she feels the same way. Kris also has a son, Kamron, who is 4 (yes i can do math and thats a long story, no it isnt what u think) he comes to be with us everyother weekend, so he isnt here much. i am an easy going person, i like to hang out w/ family and friends and i lvoe to swim and go to the lake. i am a myspace junkie and practically live on my computer...what else do i have to do.....clean?? LOL i think not!! I recently lost my mother to terminal breast cancer on feb 2nd 2009. she was my light in so many ways and i miss her so much i can barely breath at times.

While last oct i suffered a miscarriage, we found out on december 27th that i was pregnant again, and this friday i will be 18 weeks! I already love my little lily bug so much i cant stand it. So this blog is going to be about my adventures through pregnancy, struggling with my emotions as i have to do this without my beloved mom here with me, and eventually my trials and tribulations with a newborn....im looking forward to it....are you??? :)